Situation Normal. Atmosphere Breathable. Brainstem Injected. Dialogue Engaged.
Friday, February 04, 2005

Napalm Breakfast

I drank too much last night. On an empty stomach. Now I want to kill people. Starting with every single driver on the road this morning. A special heartfelt FUCK YOU goes out to the fuckstain next to the Pace bus going ten under the limit. Between you and the bus you wasted at least ten minutes of my time. Next comes the fuckdiddle on Schaumburg road driving in two lanes. One per person. Next time you do that I will run you off the road into that unemployed schoolteacher letting her poodle crap at the bus stop. I hate everything. I wanna go back to sleep.

Also, to you fiber starved restaurant owners: Stop complaining to me about things your managers broke. You still have to pay for it. If you don't cut it out I'll pour gatorade in your electrical outlets and choke you with microwave pork rinds.
10:11 AM - Bottle Rocket Fire Alarm


February 04, 2005 2:16 PM, Blogger Lightning Bug's Butt said...

I find drinking on an empty stomach is the best way to go. Three drinks later, you're flyin.

February 04, 2005 2:24 PM, Blogger Stace said...

Ok where exactly were you driving this morning, b/c I SWEAR those same fucks were on my highways too. ODD?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!? Either way I hate people that can't drive or can't multitask. I mean seriously, if you can't talk on your cell phone, switch gears, put on your make up, and change CD's . . .PUH-LEASE GET OFF THE ROAD!!! ;-)

February 04, 2005 2:34 PM, Blogger Bottle Rocket Fire Alarm said...

Yeah, but twelve drinks later you're eating cereal out of the box and farting yourself to sleep.

February 04, 2005 2:36 PM, Blogger Bottle Rocket Fire Alarm said...

Also, my roomate says I tried to turn out the closet light with my stereo remote.

February 04, 2005 2:37 PM, Blogger Stace said...

Ouch, when you are that drunk it hurts in the morning. Plus you think you can drink like you normally can and that hurts more, b/c that 8th shot of vodka isn't quite going down the way it is supposed to. . .ON A FULL STOMACH!!!!

February 04, 2005 2:46 PM, Blogger Wyatt Junker said...

*ripping open bag of chips with teeth*


*now easing back into couch and running right hand into front of pants*

Yes. That's it.

*fingering remote to spring break college chicks*

No Nancy boy here.

*spaloogin on Cabbage Patch doll's head*


February 04, 2005 7:26 PM, Blogger Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Does Wyatt know how to party or what?

February 04, 2005 8:12 PM, Blogger You've Got What I Need... said...

I think that country living has softened WJ up a bit.

On that note:

Alcohol+ no food= mucho stupido moments.

Like, why on earth would anyone decide that it was a fantastic idea to blow kisses at the Romanian Olympic swim team? I've more comps of eurotrash discotech music than I know what to do with. Repetitive thumping base beats and digital bleeps does not a romance make. Silly forigners.

Demon drink on an empty stomach will make a monkey of ye, no joke.

So Beware.

February 05, 2005 2:39 AM, Blogger sCruuw said...

I traded all my addictions for this blog thing....Not that I wanted to...

February 05, 2005 2:41 AM, Blogger daniel said...

[quote]Does Wyatt know how to party or what?[/quote]


Yes. A night out with Wyatt would definately be a life experience.

February 05, 2005 9:43 AM, Blogger ~kimberly~ said...

pork rinds are microwavable??!

February 07, 2005 9:47 AM, Blogger Bottle Rocket Fire Alarm said...

Yes Kimberly, you can get ones that pop like popcorn. It's terrifying.


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