Tinfoil Viking Science: Ballads About Food

Situation Normal. Atmosphere Breathable. Brainstem Injected. Dialogue Engaged.

Thursday, January 27, 2005

Ballads About Food

Immediately upon arriving at work yesterday I was dispatched to go help install cameras and registers at a McDonald's on the west side of Chicago. There was a Jamaican guy that owns an electrical company there supervising his employees, and he told me to go eat at McCarty's. Translated sans rasta that means MacArthur's.

I'd never had soul food before. They had liver & onions, neck bones, cube steak, different kinds of chicken, black eyed peas, red beans and rice, collared greens, and a whole bunch of other stuff. All of it was slathered in grease. The hot sauce was thin and looked like sweet and sour at first, but in reality it was the heavy vinegar base that gave it that appearance. Awesome and cheap.

I'll definitely return for more very soon. I don't care if I'm the only whiteboy within a five mile radius and the other customers look at me like I must've gotten lost. The food is just spectacularly great tasting.

Some of the food made me wonder. What exactly are collared greens? I looked up recipes online and all them just have a quantity of greens. It looked like spinach. Can I just go trim the hedges outside and make collared greens? Do I need to wear some leaves in a collared shirt for a day, and then cook them in ten sticks of butter? Somebody help. I feel like an ignorant fool. I'm sure the answer will amaze me as much as the time I discovered the oven can be pulled away from the wall for cleaning purposes.

And what about neck bones? I've found several recipes for pig necks. At first the notion sounds vile. But haven't you ever wanted to suck marrow? I sure have. Sadly, upon perusing these recipes the idea seems to be the same as my ham soup, which is boil and strip, strain stock and combine. There's no mention or instruction for removing bone marrow and turning it into a hot jelly spread. Or for stuffing it in wontons. I'll have to be a pioneer combining Afro-American soul food with Chinese if that dream is ever to be realized. Anyhow, I think I'll boil some necks tomorrow. Tonight I'm doing cajun.

I'm going from a Chef Boyardee guy to an accomplished multicultural autodidactic chef rather quickly. Well, I might, best not get ahead of myself. I haven't accomplished anything on those offensive t-shirts yet.

Well, now I have to go learn what exactly is done to make pig's feet and ox tongue not only edible but delicious. I also must learn just what the fuck a chitterling is.

Tomorrow I'm going to some nightclub for free vodka drinks from 10-11pm. A friend sent me an email consisting of "CLUB BOOBIES VODKA BOOBIES FRIDAY CLUB BOOBIES VODKA."

Well, okay.

1:25 PM - Bottle Rocket Fire Alarm

7 Comments:

January 27, 2005 2:52 PM, Stace said...: This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
January 27, 2005 3:05 PM, Stace said...: Yep so I gave you the "other" address on ACCIDENT, seriously. So once again I had to change the honesty blog address, but hey this gives you a new insight into who I am, enjoy, comment and let me know your around.

As for the deleted comment, I thought it would delete the entire thing including my name. BOY WAS I WRONG.

The food I have no idea what you are talking about, so good luck with that
The internship is for medical assisting
VODKA+boobies= good stuff
January 27, 2005 3:59 PM, Stace said...: Yeah I didn't think you would rat me out, nor do I think anyone would that has gotten ahold of both, but you are right, I have to feel "safe" when I vent b/c I know EVERYONE would be upset, hurt, or just plain pissed off. But thanks for checking me out. ;-)
January 27, 2005 9:09 PM, Bottle Rocket Fire Alarm said...: Chitterlings aka chitlins are pig intestines. Sometimes pig stomachs, too. A 10 pound bucket must be cleaned leaving about 5 or less pounds. Cleaned of fat and half digested shit. There is a certain recipe that must be followed. While cooking they smell... terrible. During slavery the blacks had to make do with the remainders of the pig, and they created this, which over the centuries has become an African American delicacy. Due to the effort required to prepare them, many cooks are unwilling to share them with outsiders and keep them for close family members. A massive amount of chitlins will be eaten in 20 minutes.

A friend at work has an aunt who makes them during the holidays, and he'll try to hijack a plate for me. I'm already salivating. I'm honored that he'll try to get me some.
January 28, 2005 7:52 AM, Shana said...: Saw your comments on Kae's page. . .and decided to check you out. I must say I was thoroughly entertained. I'm glad you enjoyed your discovery of soul food. . . lol. . .just remember that just because they say it's good for your SOUL doesn't mean that it's good for your HEART. . .lol. . . it can become really unhealthy if consumed in great amounts. . . lmao
January 28, 2005 9:01 AM, ManNMotion said...: ROFL dude you are killin me over here!
January 28, 2005 9:32 AM, P/O said...: there's a soul food place down the street from where i work (not to mention that i used to live in bed-stuy, which outside of harlem is like nyc's second soul food mecca) and it's always cracked me up how even all the vegetables are loaded with meat. the place near my office offers a "vegetarian special," which essentially consists of three vegetable side dishes that i'm sure are "vegetables" in name only.