Tuesday, January 25, 2005
So. This quitting smoking thing. It has a few side effects. Before, I would light a cigarette to occupy my hands and focus my nervous energy. It was punctuation for living. Now I pace in the kitchen, peppering my meals too many times. I'm oversaturating.
I'm going to teach myself to fold origami without watching my hands or the paper. I can make a crane bird currently, but it's time to reteach myself the frogs and flowers and so forth. Right now my hands are on their way to sentience and I'd hate to have them commit a crime. Like strangling a person.
Another side effect is social. As a cigarette smoker, I was a happy, huggy, "I love you guys" drunk. Not so any more. Now I'm an argumentative drunk. Last night I disagreed with anything my friends said because for some reason I had to let them all know how wrong they were about anything that came out of their mouths. I was a dickhead. Sorry, Pat. I even yelled at him for a half hour for adding a pinch of rosemary to the already disastrous soup we cobbled together.
I think part of it is the lowered marijuana consumption as well. My brain is no longer impeded by a daily intake of mental novocaine. The brain is in overdrive and I can't stop myself from talking. Once I start. I need to learn to control my mouth. Apparently I never learned this and the drugs were taking care of it for me. Now everything just pours out sans filter or prudence. The result is that I'm an asshole.
My previous soups were good because they were broth based. Last night's was made with 1 can of Campbell's sausage gumbo and 1 can of chicken w/ wild rice as the base with all sorts of veggies thrown in. Let's face it, that can't hold a candle to a boiled hambone broth. Everyone but me liked it, to be fair. I think I've just eaten too much celery and carrots in the past few days and I'm sick of soup. Maybe I was just peeved at the soup because I kept drunkenly sampling it and burning the bejesus out of my mouth.
I need a good bloody steak to gnaw on. That ought to help with these frustrated aggressive tendencies cropping up. Temporarily. This entry is boring shit. Fuck.
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