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Wednesday, February 23, 2005

A Glancing Blow

Late Monday afternoon I was struck in the head by a boulder. Actually, it was just a marvelous idea that bowled me over with overwhelming force.

I would hold a funeral party for Hunter S. Thompson. Immediately. I asked my boss for the day off work on Tuesday. "Why, what's up?"

"One of my heroes has died, and in honor of him, I must gather a few likeminded individuals and drink lots of whiskey."

He arched his eyebrow, looked sidelong at my other boss, and said, "Sure. Do what you feel is important. Who died?"

I quickly explained a man that cannot be quickly explained. Nothing seemed to get through until the part about the suicide. I work for good people. People that will give me a vacation day on very short notice for the express purpose of drinking whiskey on a Monday night.

I left the office and procured a modest quantity of cocaine. I told myself it was necessary to consume something illegal for this occasion, and I swore off marijuana consumption over a month ago. It went out the door with the cigarettes. Hallucinogens have been horribly unreliable to me for the past three years, so I wouldn't risk them being bunk or poison. Cocaine was the clear winner.

My small gathering of five proceeded to sniffle and quaff. The case of beer was gone in a little over an hour. The whiskey bottle died a noble death at about 3am. Nobody but me had the constitution or stomach steel for straight up Jim Beam, but I was not deterred. I finished it and belched with pride.

Passages were read from Kingdom Of Fear and from both books of letters. My former roomie even convinced me to record myself reading from this very online journal. I didn't like the results. He did. Blackmail will surely ensue.

Now I'm back at work, bright, chipper, and mumbling through celery and carrots liberally splashed in spicy peanut sauce. Life is good. Adios, Doctor.
9:38 AM - Bottle Rocket Fire Alarm

7 Comments:

February 23, 2005 10:58 AM, Blogger Other Brother said...

A fitting tribute to a legend. I watched Fear and Loathing with the neighbor and drank Kentucky Deluxe. No drugs could be obtained, perhaps this weekend...

 
February 23, 2005 11:30 AM, Blogger ty bluesmith said...

well, since you mentioned it, the smoke and i have been up since yesterday morning as well, albeit sans cocaine.

 
February 23, 2005 11:46 AM, Blogger Saucy Monk said...

I just can't believe they gave you the day off to do cocaine and Jim Bean in honor of Hunter S.
You sure you didn't tell yer boss it was your 'grandmother'?

 
February 23, 2005 12:45 PM, Blogger Bottle Rocket Fire Alarm said...

Saucy Monk, I did not mention the cocaine! Just the booze. I'm only crass enough to blog about it, not to flaunt it to my coworkers and superiors.

However, upon interviewing here, I was told that if I could pass a drug test they wouldn't want me.

You heard right. Also during my interview, I was related a story about a certain field installer that was sent to Kansas for a job.

He disappeared. We sent somebody else to do the install. He finally called in after three days to let us know the aliens had dropped him off in Kentucky.

He still works for us. I hear he has his alcoholism under control, but his nose still looks pretty red to me.

We're a small, tight-knit bunch here and we are all very flexible when it comes to one another's foibles.

Whiskey is really no big deal. They jokingly asked about my Tuesday hangover upon my arrival today.

 
February 23, 2005 1:03 PM, Blogger ty bluesmith said...

steve, did you get your wristband so you can get Cubs tickets tomorrow?

 
February 23, 2005 1:38 PM, Blogger sCruuw said...

Best I could do was some codene....ain't so bad in a pinch

 
February 23, 2005 2:19 PM, Blogger Bookfraud said...

A gonzo tribute to the godfather of gonzo. Well done, rocket. HST himself would have been proud to have penned it.

 

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