Situation Normal. Atmosphere Breathable. Brainstem Injected. Dialogue Engaged.
Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Newports and Milkbones

I just got back from a voyage to the south side to repair more restaurant hardware. The conversation my boss and I shared on the way back to the office devolved from our best recipes to eating at 7-11.

He never thought of pouring the chili and cheese directly into the empty tray and keeping the chips bagged on the side. You can get a lot more free topping that way.

This brought back memories of high school. More exactly, what I did instead of high school.

My friend Teddy listened to rap music and walked with an intentional limp before it was cool. He was at it instantly when Dr. Dre and Snoop Doggy Dog released their videos with blurred out clothing logos. Teddy was ahead of his time. He wore a baggy Georgetown pullover jacket that should've looked silly. He was skinny as a string bean and the jacket was a puffy tent on him. His perpetual angry expression dared anybody to laugh, and few did. The ones that dared usually got brass knuckles to the lip for their scorn.

While my peers were spending their sophomore year in class, Teddy and I would hang out in his basement bedroom under a blanket fort. We'd play Ogre Battle on Super Nintendo and drink warm Natural Ice Light. Usually he'd turn on booty house mixes by Julian Jumpin' Perez on B96 and scream swear words out the window at bewildered pedestrians.

Occasionally we'd wander out during school hours. Hoffman Estates cops have always hated teenagers so we'd have to move quickly and silently or they'd try to ship us to Conant High. We'd go to the F&M at Roselle & Bode and I'd buy candy to distract the clerk while he shoved 5 or 6 packs of Newports up his sleeves into that Georgetown jacket.

We'd bring plastic solo cups to the 7-11 after that. We'd fill cups of free chili and cheese and use Milk Bone dog biscuits to scoop it out while we walked home. When it was almost gone we'd eat the biscuits, too. Finally we'd smoke menthol cigarettes for dessert and have farting competitions.

I miss being a teenager.
3:38 PM - Bottle Rocket Fire Alarm


February 16, 2005 4:07 PM, Blogger Bookfraud said...

Ah, the school days of the northwest suburbs...Hoffman Estates, Schaumburg, Barrington...high schools with names like Fremd and Hersey...hateful, loser cops who couldn't get a job in a former Arlington Hts. teen, i missed the "rap music" rage as "album oriented rock" was quite the rage. we didn't steal much, though did stick our mouths under the slurpee machine when we were stoned.

February 16, 2005 4:53 PM, Blogger Kilroy Trout said...

Look if you didn't light your farts, then you didn't have much of a childhood did ya?

February 17, 2005 2:12 AM, Blogger Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Thanks for the 7/11 tip with the extra topping.

I always use my soup bowl to score extra fried rice at the Chinese take-out buffet.

Pearls, baby.

February 17, 2005 8:58 AM, Blogger sic said...

Boys are gross!

February 17, 2005 1:57 PM, Blogger Latigo Flint said...

I believe most everyone does, and thinks fondly upon those years -- Except teenagers themselves. (self indulgent little drama queens) But they will miss it, oh yes, they'll see.

February 17, 2005 2:20 PM, Blogger Saucy Monk said...

nothing quite says 'youth' like stealing extra chili and cheese, smoking menthols and farting competitions.

well, except for not getting laid.


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