Situation Normal. Atmosphere Breathable. Brainstem Injected. Dialogue Engaged.
Saturday, February 12, 2005

Past My Bedtime

It's Friday night at 12:43am as I begin. I really shouldn't be up this late without drugs. I'm sitting at home with some Jolly Rancher watermelon sodapop and a bowl of chili. It has no beans in it. I was told that beans were added to take up space. Only poor people deign to eat chili with beans in it. I call bullshit. I love the beans. Always have. I diced up a whole onion to take the place of the beans and my chili is very acrid because of it. I've already spilled some on my London Calling t-shirt.

I was supposed to go over to a friend's house tonight. I'd gone to dinner with my dad earlier this evening. He bought me pork chops at the Village Tavern in Schaumburg. When I finished I realized that I was eating pork chops in the middle of a fish fry. Another wasted opportunity. I think it was a Catholic secret. A lent thing. Now I know why I got all those dirty looks from the cute Irish waitresses. They think I'm a Protestant. One way ticket to hell and all that. It is lent right now. Right? If it isn't maybe I had a dangly booger. I hope not. Usually they tickle and I detect and obliterate immediately. Don't look at me like that. It happens to you once in a blue moon, too. I got home eventually and began my laundry. After 11pm rolled past on the clock I realized I wasn't going anywhere tonight.

I'm sitting at the roomie's desk. He actually went out tonight. Role reversal. To my right sit two plates stacked atop one another. Each have bones encrusted to them. One from Wednesday's porkchop. He took the bigger one and didn't finish it. Such waste. I dessicated mine until I could floss with the bone. The other is a t-bone from his steak. I fried one in butter for him when I was drunk. His mother had returned it to the pan after I was done with it. She added mushrooms to soak up my excessive butter and to finish cooking it. Apparently medium rare will give people cancer or something. I like them a bit bloody. In front of me there's some apple juice in a Pappadeaux glass. My glass. It's foggy enough that it's probably been sitting here for a week. Pappadeaux is my favorite place to eat. All you can eat lobster holocaust on Thursday nights. It has dueling lobsters on the front. That's class folks.

Time to wrap up this waste of keyboard usage. Anybody who reads this site for the first time and comes across this post is going to think I'm another mundane twit that needs his keyboard confiscated and his brain lobotomized. On that note, I'm going to sleep.
1:06 AM - Bottle Rocket Fire Alarm


February 12, 2005 9:14 AM, Blogger daniel said...

I diced up a whole onion to take the place of the beans and my chili is very acrid because of it.

Hot damn. I bet you blew the covers off your bed.

February 12, 2005 9:48 AM, Blogger Saucy Monk said...

you do like the food dontcha? I like yer site cause you don't often come across blogs where you can read about the writer 'dessicating the meat'.

you've made eating t-bone steaks with your hands more than a curious's a pretty good read.

Keep on flossin' the with pork chops, I say.

February 12, 2005 2:37 PM, Blogger Stace said...

You just crack me up and that is all I can say about that!!!

February 13, 2005 12:18 AM, Blogger natalie said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

February 13, 2005 12:20 AM, Blogger natalie said...

i stopped by after reading your 'fuckstain' entry on the human writes website... i'm entertained... i don't think that the keyboard confiscation or brain lobotomy is quite necessary just yet...

February 13, 2005 2:00 PM, Blogger krawdaddee said...

apparently chicks dig it.

February 13, 2005 5:12 PM, Blogger Imogene_Pix said...

When I was working & studying in NYC I lived on beans and rice... no joke. Red beans and rice and sometimes Dirty Rice if I could afford a sausage. Damn, I sound like someone from a Dickens novel. If you like lentils and spices, I think there's a recipe for Lemon-spiced Lentils on my site. Simple, cheap, cheap, cheap, but very tasty.

February 13, 2005 11:00 PM, Blogger ~kimberly~ said...

yeah okay, the dangly boogers thing.. HOT

February 14, 2005 10:48 AM, Blogger Bottle Rocket Fire Alarm said...

I live on red beans and rice right now! Well, almost. I've graduated from Zatarain's to Tony Chachere's, which is a much saucier, much smokier dish. I really should learn to make my own but I'm a bit gun-shy on the roux. (Did I spell that right?)


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