Tinfoil Viking Science: Hot Shot Jet Set Weekend

Situation Normal. Atmosphere Breathable. Brainstem Injected. Dialogue Engaged.

Monday, February 14, 2005

Hot Shot Jet Set Weekend

Friday night did not end as I previously suggested. I graciously donated that heaping serving of onions with chili to the greater Chicagoland sewer system at about 5 am. Not only did it help destroy my appetite for the entire weekend, but it also immolated my esophagus. After an intense toothbrush and mouthwash session, I finally got some sleep.

What came next was a tad humiliating. I've spent the last several weeks flaunting my invulnerability to the afflictions of mere mortals. Friends, relatives, and assorted lurking deviants have all been struck by influenza, while I've gleefully paraded about town in t-shirts. That's right. Ten degrees? Fuck a jacket. Blizzard? Okay, maybe a long-sleeve t-shirt. When I awoke on Saturday I was running a 100.5 fever and I was shivering. I even had the gall to feel sorry for myself.

So I didn't go out on Saturday night. It was the 2nd week in a row I blew off the jail visit. I've tried to write about that but I'm ambivalent about it. A longtime on/off sorta friend drank and drove. He crashed into another car. His girlfriend broke both of her arms. The driver of the vehicle he struck is dead. He was arrested while he was in a coma. He woke in the hospital ward of Cook County Jail. That could've easily been a lot of people I know, so I have some sympathy, but damn. He killed a person.

I also missed a visit to another nightclub. They really aren't my scene, but I wanted to go for a friend's birthday. From what I hear she had a great time without me and my friends consumed enough alcohol and ecstasy to sterilize an elephant. Good job you guys.

I'm getting by today on ibuprofen and caffeine. Maybe I can eat today. I hope my digestive tract resurrects itself. I'll have a special Easter for pizza instead of Jesus.

10:39 AM - Bottle Rocket Fire Alarm

6 Comments:

February 14, 2005 12:32 PM, Bottle Rocket Fire Alarm said...: Reference material I must have saved for posterity:

Search terms that have brought me visitors:

cracked toenail stubbed toe -fungus
bathtub draino crack recipe
swollen uvulva

(I have since realized that it's "uvula," but after this search I'm not correcting it)
February 14, 2005 2:22 PM, Kerouaced said...: Just when you think you're impervious to maladies of the average man you find yourself lying face down on the canvas and out for the count. I don't subscribe to my own mortal suseptability and in that way cheat the bastard called flu. Now, watch I'll wake up tomorrow puking my guts out. On another note, my incorporation of Neil Young and ferrets into my piece may very well have been the result of subconscious residue left over from reading your piece. The mind is a strange machine.
February 14, 2005 2:23 PM, Kerouaced said...: Just when you think you're impervious to maladies of the average man you find yourself lying face down on the canvas and out for the count. I don't subscribe to my own mortal suseptability and in that way cheat the bastard called flu. Now, watch I'll wake up tomorrow puking my guts out. On another note, my incorporation of Neil Young and ferrets into my piece may very well have been the result of subconscious residue left over from reading your piece. The mind is a strange machine.
February 14, 2005 3:29 PM, Bottle Rocket Fire Alarm said...: Kirk's Castile Soap? Made near to my own home? Available at Cracker Barrel locations on interstate highways across the US? Why yes, it is my favorite.
February 14, 2005 3:50 PM, Other Brother said...: Ivory soap. None of that antibacterial bullshit (see previous post)
February 14, 2005 9:02 PM, Stace said...: Uh . . .soap . . .hmmmm the kind that makes me clean, and smell good. PROBABLY THE SMELLY GOOD STUFF FROM BATH AND BODY WORKS. any smell will do. ;-)