Poems of the Revolutionary War

1.
King George sits across the pond,
Picking his voluminous nose.
We don’t need no stinkin’ King,
We’ve got land owners instead.

2.
Take that three point hat
And shove it up your hairy ass.
Your red coat may be red already,
But I’ll make it redder.

3.
I’m a mighty musket man, yes I am.
I’m gonna pellet pop you, you monarchist fuckpig.
Thrice you’ll be shot, and to the ground you’ll fall,
All British and hosing from little sprinkler holes.
(even though we haven’t invented sprinklers yet,
I’ll bet Benjamin has thought of them by now.)

4.
We named our thirteen starting with consonants,
Instead of vowels, like say, England or Ireland.
The Scots got it right,
You need a good strong beginning,
Like us trouncing your pathetic armies.
Then again, our nation is named America,
Which begins with an A,
But we’re gonna take hypocrisy to a whole new level,
So ignore the discrepancy,
And don’t fuck with us, you limey crumpet bunkers.

5.
We should’ve teabagged your mothers’ foreheads,
Instead of dumping it all in the harbor.

6:08 PM - Bottle Rocket Fire Alarm