Last night we held down a 3 year old kid as we forced chalky pink sludge through her clenched teeth. We plugged her nose and forced her to swallow it while she tried to spit and headbutt us. She was really mad. She hawked some up my nose.

She just had her tonsils out and if she doesn't take her medicine she'll get an infection or worse. Poor kid. She fell right asleep after the struggle. We adults watched Hardball, a surprisingly good Keanu movie.

My boss' husband went to China for a few weeks. He works for the famous criminals Andersen Consulting. Somebody painted some eyes and a smile on a crooked cucumber and left it on her desk. For some odd reason she put it in the flowerpot atop the filecabinet outside her cube.

Last weekend I ran an errand for the pizza joint. I picked up two buckets of Italian beef gravy and two slimy plastic-vaccuumed 10 pound packs of sliced beef. The gravy is kind of watery until the fat melts. It's a tan-cream colored solid wet fat, also the color of a weakly-brewed coffeestain on a tablecloth. I sealed the buckets, but some of the watery portion leaked out into my trunk. It smelled like rosemary. That stuff is really good soaked into bread. I like gravy bread.

I've been asked an important question: How do sumo wrestlers fuck?
6:08 PM - Bottle Rocket Fire Alarm