There's a short but enormous woman, Dolores, who works the dining room register at the beef & pizza joint where I deliver pizzas. I'd never seen her before when I showed up yesterday at 5pm. From across the kitchen she stared at me until customers came in, and once they left, she watched me more.

An hour later she walks over and tells me her work schedule, apparently trying to figure why she'd never seen me before. After a short bit of this she asked me to take a certain delivery.

I'm not sure if Dolores called first, or her friend, but she promised to send a cute guy to bring the italian beefs and fries to her girlfriend. "Don't check her out!" she says. "Too late.", my response. There's no way I'm going to NOT check her out after this kinda foreplay.

I arrived and got a good $4 tip from the woman, who rivals Dolores in the obesity department. The lady told me that she promised Dolores a full report, and she reminded me in some way of Alice from the Brady Bunch. I think I smelled cats. I have an allergy you know.

Huge women and young teenage girls both flirt like this. I think it's a combination of no confidence and no experience. Shyness, simply put. Like passing notes in class.

Fat women love me. I do not know why. I guess some attention is better than none, but they're more than I can handle, for sure. I wonder if they have a secret society. It would be hard to hide.
11:23 AM - Bottle Rocket Fire Alarm