Thursday, May 19, 2005
My horrible damn car started chirping yesterday. The keening ululation outshouted my radio and clawed loose noodles from my tender brain. As my heart palpitated and my stomach churned, I heard a loud SPING! and then "clank, ca-clank, ca-clank." The sound receded as I witnessed in my rearview mirror a small circular metal object bounce away down the street. The car behind me swerved but punted it anyways. It was a miniature little wheel and it bounced away like a rubber tire from a cartoon car wreck.
I pulled into the nearest parking lot. Up went the hood. Since it doesn't stay up alone and has no hook pole, for a prop I use an intricately carved wavy wooden bolt of lightning I painstakingly crafted during my whittling phase two years ago. After propping the lid, I leaned in for inspection. One of the wheels for the alternator belts was absent. All that remained was a lonesome naked bolt sticking out like a dick at Abu Ghraib.
The belt rest on it, already starting to take damage from the few yards I'd driven without my belt wheel. Damn it all to hell. Fucking car. I hurriedly jammed all the fast food garbage behind my passenger seat into a shopping bag, tied it shut, and stashed it deep in my trunk. Perfect. Now I would not be ashamed upon handing the vehicle over to a filth slathered grease monkey mechanic.
I looked around. I was in a bank parking lot. To my right stood an auto repair shop, and across the street, the Itasca Metra station. That's right. I broke down in front of a auto shop to fix my car, a bank to get train fare, and a train that drops off a mile from my home.
6:42 AM - Bottle Rocket Fire Alarm
I didn't even have to wait for the train. I got home and asked after another vehicle for use on Thursday, today. It was inoperative with a dead battery. Not good. I'm due in at 6 am. I corralled a neighbor and got a jumpstart. Up and purring. Due to an apparent electrical problem I couldn't turn the headlights off. I started messing with the bright switch, which is also the windshield wiper lever. I was standing outside the car at the time, and I accidentally triggered the wipers. I managed to squirt the chemical fluid right into my eye. I always wanted blue eyes, but not like this. I was feeling a bit loopy and dejected by this point.
Finally I succeeded, and here I am. I'm going to take a nap now, before everyone gets here.
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