Situation Normal. Atmosphere Breathable. Brainstem Injected. Dialogue Engaged.
Thursday, October 10, 2002

It's A Dirty Job

I just went dumpster diving!

We have a new cleaning crew here at the office. Last night they threw away the conference room reservation calendar. We have reservations going through January on that thing, and it's not replacable. I had to find it. Thankfully the dumpsters are emptied on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday mornings. Not Thursday. I went to the supply closet and grabbed a monstrous silver garbage bag. I cut three holes in it for my arms and neck.

People walking into the office gave me curious looks.

"I'm trying on my new dress." Got a few chuckles.

I retrieved some utility gloves and and a razor, and I moved all the garbage bags from one dumpster into another, and I used the forklift to upend it. I slashed the bags open one at a time and spilled them into the empty dumpster.

It was in the last bag. There was coffee and mayonase on it.

Our front desk guy is transcribing the bookings onto a new calendar. I have the pleasure of kindly requesting that the cleaning crew leave the new one the hell alone. I wonder if anyone here knows Polish.

We just merged recently. Each side of the company has a color code, so each employee is blue or red. Once a team is integrated into one, they were calling them purple.

Some genius got paid to think up something flashier. Now merged groups are called merlot. Can you fuckin believe that? Fucking golfers.

Now I have to sit in on a conference call. I would rather wade through raw sewage again.
11:30 AM - Bottle Rocket Fire Alarm


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