Situation Normal. Atmosphere Breathable. Brainstem Injected. Dialogue Engaged.
stg-roadrunner-gfx
Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Aprons For Slaves

I was running food out to table 331 last night; about seven or eight shitsmear teenagers sat there; decked out in their new Christmas gift clothes.

One girl in particular decided to test my patience. To see if she could make me lose my temper. To see if she could crack my veneer of professionalism, my ironclad cheer.

"You know what? This looks gross. I don't want any cheese."

It was a basket of potato wedges. To be fair, once the cheddar cools and sets, it looks like a slimy orange blanket of nasty. I could sympathize. I checked with Eric.

"No, she said cheese."

I believed him, but I went and got a basket plain for her anyways. I dropped it off.

"Can I have another Diet Coke?"

Why the hell not? Eric was busy at another table, and it would take a mere moment or two for me to refill her. I did.

"Can I have another ranch?"

I got the ranch.

"Actually, I want some blue cheese."

Jesus Christ on fire. I went and nabbed a cup of queso azul from the order staging station.

"You know what, I need some water, too."

As I placed the water before her, she stared at me, playfully, searching my expression for impatience, for a frown, for pure raging hatred. I displayed none. My perfunctory impersonal polite smile stayed firmly in place. I showed no sign of weakness. I would not be broken by this irritating C student.

"Can I get you anything else?"

She looked around her table, desperate to give me another slave chore. I waited, smiling. She had nothing. She looked back up to me, her smile fading, her mouth a tight unhappy little line.

"No."

Until that moment, I was seething inside, a vast cauldron of boiling hatred. When I saw her mischievous grin evaporate, knowing I had won, that hatred disappeared. I realized she's doomed to spend the rest of her life seeking happiness through manipulation and subterfuge. I felt sorry for the sad little bitch. For a second. One flickering second.

I marched off.

Shortly before close, I entered the men's washroom to mop. I saw that some guy had lined the toilet with paper to keep his ass clean and free of microbes. You know, the old makeshift teepee ass gasket maneuver. Perfectly normal.

Problem was, he didn't lay the toilet seat down first. He was so drunk he created his sanitary butt buffer on the toilet rim. The paper was soaked stuck to it. So I guess he got a piss halo on his caboose anyways. Poor drunk bastard.

7:50 PM - Bottle Rocket Fire Alarm

2 Comments:

December 29, 2006 12:24 AM, Blogger Lostinspace said...

Hi Happy New Year early to you. I could really go for some of those wings in your pic. I'm actually a ranch whore and can't have anything else, ha ha. Finally emerged from my cave and responded to your kind comment from a prior post of mine. Thank you always for letting me bleed and be perfectly comfortable in my perfume and bacteria under the glass lens of your delicate microscope.

 
January 01, 2007 10:53 PM, Blogger karen gsteiger said...

Happy New Year, Steve! Hope you treated yourself kindly!

 

Post a Comment

left-arrow Home

stg-shark
Snow Burn
Fast Alone
Happy Holocaust
Side Order #3
...
Side Order #2
Side Order #1
The Perfect Kiss
Drowning Dignity Like An Unwanted Kitten
Anti Rape Spree (Three)
August 2002
September 2002
October 2002
November 2002
December 2002
January 2003
February 2003
March 2003
April 2003
May 2003
September 2003
October 2003
November 2003
December 2003
January 2004
February 2004
August 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
February 2008
May 2008
August 2008
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
December 2009
February 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
August 2010
August 2011
September 2011
February 2012
June 2012
July 2012
August 2012
October 2012
November 2012
May 2013
August 2013
September 2013
December 2013
May 2014
October 2014
November 2014
December 2016