Situation Normal. Atmosphere Breathable. Brainstem Injected. Dialogue Engaged.
Friday, November 03, 2006

Side Order #2

It began raining in the ballroom at eight this morning. I was the cloud.

Rather, my dick was the cloud. For the first time in my life, I went sleepwalk pissing. I've always made fun of my dad for peeing in refrigerator bins, on the kitchen floor, or in the entryway closet. Now I've gone and done it.

Unlike him, I wasn't blind stinking drunk, so full of bourbon I could be wrung out like a wet rag. I was just exhausted. After two or three hours of sleep a night for five days straight, I was beginning to crack, my brain liquefying and running from my ears like magma.

"What the fuck are you doing?"

It was one of my roommates yelling at me. Moments before, I had left my room, walked to the balcony, whipped out my junk, and let an arc of bold yellow descend to the first floor, right into a potted plant. Dirt became mud and splashed out onto the wooden flooring. Misty drizzle speckled the wall and the breakfast counter next to the plant.

When my roommate heard this and came out of his room, he yelled at me. I came to, waking up with my dick in my hand. Embarassment flooded my mind. Mild worried confusion washed over me.

This physical weariness is tearing my body apart. I'm so exhausted my brain is crossing wires, short-circuiting, and shutting down in horrifyingly spectacular ways.

I'm a fucking wreck.

12:50 PM - Bottle Rocket Fire Alarm


November 03, 2006 3:55 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for the visual, but you need hon. I'd give up on the BW3 and start knocking over liquor stores. The hours are so much better.

November 03, 2006 7:16 PM, Blogger Bobby said...

Give yourself a break now and then, dude.

I think when I started puking blood - that's when I started to think, "Damn, I'm a hardcore drunk. I think I'll chill."

I got the shakes and all that shit. Moved back to my folks house. Could not sit still.

... just got in shape and shit.

November 06, 2006 3:40 PM, Blogger Braindead Betty said...

Y'know I don't think sleepwalk peeing is as much of an issue for girls as it is for guys. We're lucky that way. Seriously, you need to take a rest. What good's the money gonna' do you if you're too burnt out to use it?

November 07, 2006 6:18 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Shit or get off the pot, cunt

November 10, 2006 10:25 PM, Blogger Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Sorry to read about your whiz-bang of a time. Get it? WHIZ?

November 10, 2006 10:45 PM, Blogger Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Sorry to read about your whiz-bang of a time. Get it? WHIZ?

November 11, 2006 1:22 PM, Blogger Lostinspace said...

Huh. Your dick as a cloud. I can't get that image out of my head.But those refrigerator bins. I am with your dad on that one. They were made for pissing. :) Sorry I have been away and write so sporadically but I hope that when I do it is enough to make up for lost time. I did read your last comment and it sunk in me the way a good cup of coffee does into my system.

November 11, 2006 10:10 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i can't even tell you how many times i've done this in my life. i believe the correct answer is four or five. unfortunately, i can only remember these three:

1. once in a dorm room in winona minnesota. i left before the dorm owner figured it out. we haven't spoken since.

2. once on my futon. i let my sleeping partner sleep in it and moved to my bed.

3. once in the bed of a man i hardly knew, but was friends of friends of my family. he coaxed me toward the bathroom. i finished the job in his closet.

this is not including the times i have consciously dropped trou to soil the doorstep of a chinese restaurant next to my favorite bar; a parking ramp; an alley; a yard.

you are in good company, guy. we obviously know how to have fun.


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Side Order #1
The Perfect Kiss
Drowning Dignity Like An Unwanted Kitten
Anti Rape Spree (Three)
Beer For The Ruthless (Two)
Kill All Hippies! (One)
European Pumpyfunk
Wrist Opening Day
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