Monday, April 25, 2005
I came home Saturday morning just before the sun struck my window, forcing me to let the blinds down. I brought a few people with me. We'd seen a cover band at 50 North. I was drunk and swaying and extremely grateful to be a passenger. I can only remember vague phantoms of exaggerated facial expressions, but it's safe to assume I had decent fun.
The bar had become a surreal stumble into my past. I saw several people from Zippy's, a fast food restaurant where I used to sling pizzas. For a brief moment I felt like I'd erased ten years and gone back to the days of mescaline and malt liquor. I drowned the feeling with dollar beers. I was already sauced before I got picked up, so I was soon beyond hope. I didn't fall, puke, shout, or fight, so I figure I did okay, even if my best accomplishment was standing upright. Some days low expectations are just fine.
When we got back to my place I distributed cold cans of beer to all present. I kept trying to find something nice to play on my stereo, but everytime I played a request I felt boiling tar scald the skin from my inner ear, and everytime I picked a song I got rolling eyes and sighing disdain. As the drunk got drunker nobody noticed anymore. We all slurped bowls of the hockeyneck soup I'd composed in the kitchen on Friday afternoon. I didn't like it very much.
I tracked mud through the kitchen. The next day I found my shoes encrusted, so I know I was the guilty foot. I figure I must've walked through the sodden lawn when I got dispatched on an emergency tampon run.
I went to the gas station and eyed the Tampax with concern. Would a certain variety be deemed an insult? I don't want the heavy flow tampons, right? That would be akin to accusing her of being a menstrual geyser. Let's see here, satin teen? Nope, definitely not. She might need the whole box at once if those are pencil sized. Aha! Original! I bought those. I was implying nothing with Original. No complaints were issued. The gauntlet of possible unintentional inferences was braved without reprimand.
The morning passed and I slept. I drifted in and out of sleep as the afternoon wore on, unsure whether I'd rather be awake or sleeping.
Two days later I feel the same way. 7:45 AM - Bottle Rocket Fire Alarm
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