Situation Normal. Atmosphere Breathable. Brainstem Injected. Dialogue Engaged.
Thursday, April 21, 2005

Brain Diaper

I'm feeling a bit groggy this morning. I'm not quite sure what happened last night, although I vaguely recall how it started.

Many friends were calling me. Nonsensically they chanted "Four twenty!" They reminded me of babies that had soiled their diapers and gleefully wanted to tell somebody. "Mommy! Poopie!"

I used to smoke lots of weed. Most of my friends are stoners. Therefore, none of this inane hollering surprised or bothered me. At least they weren't quoting Sebastian Bach and Woody Harrelson interviews from High Times. At least they weren't uttering cringe inducing words like these: nugs, dank, ganj, reggae. Nope, they stuck to their cricket chirping "420!"

I barely smoke these days. I stopped buying it when I quit cigarettes. They went together, you see, and I can't scratch half an itch. For some silly reason yesterday I decided I would celebrate. It would be a sort of epilogue for my former habit.

Instead of my usual placid furniture-dwelling television-watching slackjawed nowhere stoniness, I behaved like I did when I was fifteen. I could taste the tarry brown resin on my tongue, and I got so high I giggled at nothing. My tolerance had completely evaporated over the past few months. Combine that with my regular diet of beer and speed and I was one apeshit monkey.

I know I watched some baseball and talked to the screen, but I can't remember when I went to bed. I can't remember the 10th or 11th beer. When I woke up at five this morning, I was facedown in a miniature cheesecake. I'd eaten half of it. I used a plastic fork until it had broken, and then a spoon. Clumps were stuck in my eyelashes. My stomach hurt. I thirsted for water, desperately.

From now on, I'll dare to say no.
7:10 AM - Bottle Rocket Fire Alarm


April 21, 2005 7:56 AM, Blogger Other Brother said...

First time in 8 years I haven't celebrated. Damn, getting older sucks.

April 21, 2005 8:22 AM, Blogger ty bluesmith said...

don't be such a pussy.

April 21, 2005 8:27 AM, Blogger Bottle Rocket Fire Alarm said...

I like cocaine, beer, whiskey, gin, and speed.

Fuck pot. It wraps my brain in a warm fuzzy blanket and zaps my creativity.

I've been writing so much since January because I'm thinking instead of rocking back and forth, listening the the marijuana flies buzzing in my head.

Yeah, fuck pot.

April 21, 2005 8:43 AM, Blogger Anonysis said...

I like sunshine, rollercoasters, pop rocks and loud 80's metal, slurpees and a delicious BBQ after a long swim. If I could fit that into one day, my euphoria would be a high no one could pay for, grow or smoke. I can't wait for summer again.

April 21, 2005 11:06 AM, Blogger P/O said...

I would so wanna hear the Seabstian Bach and Woody Harrelson High Times quotes...

April 21, 2005 12:27 PM, Blogger clothosfate said...

*laughing my fucking ass off*

That was great man, and ya, you should stay away from pot. I definitly celebrated 4:20, actually AT 4:20, well here anyway... but I like to take it easy with the 'dope' or else I get dopey. Good thing it does not impede my writing ability and actually stimulates my creativity. Althought there was this one time when I wrote around four pages just about my hands :p

I have to wonder though, why is it drugs {be it cigarettes, alcohol, coke, hemlock ;)} seem to go with writing? I don't smoke cigs, thank fucking god, or do coke or drink much... but I'd consider becoming an alcoholic if it would mean I could write a bestseller!

Unfortunatly, everytime I drink while writing, I get drunkish, and then I can't even focus... hmmmm, I think this is going to take practise ;)

April 21, 2005 12:39 PM, Blogger Saucy Monk said...

I quit because I just got tired of the paranoia. Sitting outside on a broken lawnchair all by myself in the pouring rain loses its kitsch factor after a while. Still, every once in a while...

April 21, 2005 2:03 PM, Blogger Matteus Von Mustard said...

wow! synchronicity at work, i've come here that someone found my site by searching for "pope bong" and here you are talking about "mari-juh-wanna."

my word.

April 21, 2005 2:18 PM, Blogger Bottle Rocket Fire Alarm said...

My synonym for synchronicity is confluence, though many prefer serendipity.

I'm glad my pope list is reaping dubious benefits for you.

I'm now going to post a short addition here to see if I can generate any attention:

Pope Bendict Arnold
Pope Eggs Benedict
Pope Hitler Youth
Pope Denture Cream
Pope Lizard Brain
Pope Masturbating With Highlights Magazine
Pope Jacking Off To Phantom Of The Opera
Pope Calisthenics Workout Tape
Pope Blood Stained Glass
Pope Disco Suit
Pope Cheetos Hound
Pope Poopypants
Diapers For Catholics
Pope Riding Lawnmower
Pope Bikini Wax
Pope Tattoo
Pope Eunuch Scissors
Pope Insect Collection
Pope Stamp Licking Fetish

April 21, 2005 2:39 PM, Blogger Isabella said...

stay away from the speed.

"I'd consider becoming an alcoholic if it would mean I could write a bestseller!"

I'd consider writing a bestseller if i weren't such a fucking alcoholic.

April 21, 2005 4:07 PM, Blogger clothosfate said...


"my word"

April 21, 2005 9:03 PM, Blogger Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Dude, legalize it!

April 22, 2005 9:33 PM, Blogger scribe called steff said...

I smoke dope quite a bit. It's fine for my creativity. ( and you can tell me if I'm hallucinating.)

I'm going to bookmark you. Curious to see where it goes.

I will say it's killed my motivation to take the bikeride that I was planning to take.

Then again, it has me wanting to get up at 4:30 and do a sunrise ride on what is going to be the first bonafide hot day of the year. Now, that sounds like fun.

Hmm. Nice blog.

May 21, 2006 6:21 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

speed is bad, mkay.
beer and diapers are the perfect combination. weed is always fun, of course.


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