Situation Normal. Atmosphere Breathable. Brainstem Injected. Dialogue Engaged.
Tuesday, January 28, 2003

Venture Into The Slipstrem Between The Viaducts Of Your Dreams

File under: you had to be there

My friend and coworker Luis had to be at the hospital last night. His wife is pregnant and needs a cesarian section done. So I volunteered to cover his delivery shift.

So there I am in the kitchen with Alejandro and Jorge. They're the youngest of the staff, in their teens. Jorge does pizza and Alejandro does dogs and gyros. They were teaching me different phrases in Spanish, and Jorge grabbed and egg from somewhere to teach me "huevos."

Back through the mists of memory in some chalky classroom I remembered some lesson about equal distribution of pressure and the egg squeeze. There's a way that you can squeeze an egg in your hand and it will not break. I wasn't exactly sure, but caution be damned.

I decided to demonstrate. There were skeptical.

I squeezed. Two seconds. Three seconds. Four.... and it exploded. Egg ran own my face, my shirt, and puddled on the toes of my left foot. Egg splashed the pizza counter but not the toppings. It was on the floor, on the guys' aprons, and on the front of oven, frying as it ran towards the floor.

None of us could stop laughing. We were doubled over.

I cleaned myself up and shed my shirt.
2:28 PM - Bottle Rocket Fire Alarm


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