It's a Friday afternoon and clear watermelon Gatorade tastes just like Nerds candy. I love it. I'm going to buy a jug of strawberry on the way home to see if it too measures up. I have standards you know.

My boss is in Indiana again today, so once again I took a nap on my psych couch. I had many strange and terrifying dreams. I always do on that couch, but I continue to use it. Today was actually my last opportunity in all likelihood. I won't give you any details of the dreams, as I can't think of anything I'm less interested in hearing than other peoples' cloudy muddled half-remembered surrealistic nonsense. People, keep your sleeping dreams to yourself.

I'm going to treat my lone employee to lunch today. He's an indecisive sort of fellow who'd much rather defer to my culinary judgement than risk suggesting something I dislike. Or maybe he's just laid back. I know he gets stoned all day long, which I don't mind, as long as he doesn't get caught by any of the uptight element that wander these necktied halls. When I get stoned I have specific cravings. I know that I want a barbeque pizza, or a sourdough turkey sandwich, or a patty melt with a small dollop of thousand island dressing in the grilled onions. He must've eaten already. That's got to be it. Whatever I buy for lunch will just be his dessert.

I haven't bothered to diagnose my vehicle yet, so I've been sleeping at my folks' house. Mooching rides and cars and stuff. I watched Showtime with my mom on Wednesday night. Her favorite actors are Carrey, Sandler, Stiller, and Eddie Murphy. Followed closely by Pacino and Deniro. So that worked out well. We watched Lilo & Stitch last night, which was cute. I like spending time with my mom. Everybody needs to be adored at sometime or other, and my mom is unconditional. That's good, because she's all I've got in that department.

After pleasuring myself last night with a french nudie magazine and a rabbit fur pelt, I discovered that I'd let all the hot water run down the shower drain. Whoops. I haven't had an ice cold shower in a long time. Not an experience I'd like to have frequently. Chattery teeth. Skin like clay. I warmed up by cooking pizza bagels for myself. I stood at the oven and watched the cheese cycle. From shred to melt to gold.

I also tried to smoke some high grade maryjane that had been soaked in soap and water. My mother had swiped all of my clothing when I went to the shower and hadn't emptied the pockets before dumping them in the wash. I also lost the toothpick from my pocket knife. My money was damp. It still is today and the clerk at the stop n shop was careful not to touch my hands as he dropped my change into them.

It's nearing one o'clock and I need to order some hot food.
2:39 PM - Bottle Rocket Fire Alarm