Recently I went to a Bar called the Capitol Sports bar. My first clue was the 21 & up signs, which were all in Polish. My second clue was the neon highlighted Warholian painting of the Capitol Building in Washington, DC. My third clue was the cheezy eurotrance with Minnie Mouse singing Richard Marx's "I Will Be Right Here Waiting For You." No sports were on the television despite games in progress for the White Sox and Cubs.

There was a small bar in the front room, and in the side room was a banquet-dancefloor area, which was empty. It was still early, and aside from the smokingly gorgeous women serving drinks, the place was full of males who wear shiny leather jackets, wear polyester, use lots of hairspray, and own much nicer shoes than mine. I noticed this because they kept comparing shoes, that is, when they weren't giving Steve and I the evil eye. Steve's ex-girlfriend had taught him some Polish bed talk, and he'd never learned what any of it meant. He asked a tall, trim blond waitress to translate, which she did.

"I'm a teddy bear."
1:58 PM - Bottle Rocket Fire Alarm