Situation Normal. Atmosphere Breathable. Brainstem Injected. Dialogue Engaged.
Saturday, August 17, 2002

I Heard A Ruckus

40 minutes until 5pm, perfect for a cute little criminal enterprise story.

I left off with big Mike on house arrest at the telemarketing office. From what I understand, it's 3 story building and his office is on the 3rd floor. From there he and his coworkers would call businesses to solicit donations for the Chicago Fraternal Order Of Police, a large portion of which would be paid to the caller as commision. The FOP charity attributes these payouts to the solicitors under "administrative costs". Donating businesses get advertisements in the quarterly officers' newspaper.

You heard me right. He was on house arrest at a police charity office.

I'm not sure what led him to it, but he decided one night when he was feeling restless to climb up into the ceiling. Mike's a lardass, and I happen to know that no fabricated ceiling tile is going to hold him. He must have stayed on top edges of the walls or something, in the plentim between the ceiling and the roof. Eventually he found his way to an office with goodies in it. The office was for a real esate investor who also owns that building. Mike grabbed some Mercedes keys hanging on a rack, a few credit cards, and about 20 pieces of computer equipment: monitors, printers, computers, etc.

He loaded as much as he can into the Mercedes Benz and hightailed it over to a friend's apartment to stash it. When he went back, cops were swarming so he abandoned the rest of it. He drove that car around for a week, buying jerseys at Sports Authority with the credit cards and eating expensive meals. The cops found him in his old neighborhood eventually. He had gone through a tollbooth, not realizing he had an I-Pass, and the booth operator thought it was strange, especially when he said "I don't think it's working". They always work, you see. Combine that red flag with the tollbooth cameras and you have yourself a suspect profile, previous offenses and all. Good luck Mike, I hope you stay out of trouble in the big lockup.

The buddy who had the stashed equipment did the right thing and brought it back to the office, and made an anonymous call to look out back. Good for you bud.
3:20 PM - Bottle Rocket Fire Alarm


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