Situation Normal. Atmosphere Breathable. Brainstem Injected. Dialogue Engaged.
stg-roadrunner-gfx
Wednesday, December 04, 2002

Dust

I am hungover and I still need a haircut. Today's pains will net me another morning of feeling drug through gravel and fish hooks. This abuse has value, much as slamming a finger in a door repeatedly feels better once you stop.

Is my childhood overwith? I no longer delude myself into thinking that everything will be better once I reach my inevitable rich and famous turn. I no longer entertain myself thinking that my thoughts and feelings are valuable and important. Mom saying how special I am was just a storybook line to keep me comfortable and safe. No, I try to to stare down a future of drudgery, scraping for dollars to keep the belly full and the skin warm. I don't like it and it feels suspiciously like waiting to die. I must find something that I like doing that will support me. I am envious of those who know themselves and their place in the world. Some people learn easily what they want to do. Not me. I must find it and I don't know how to even look. Emptiness humbles.

The freedom one earns upon leaving the parents' nest is actually a cold place to hold back an avalanche. I hate money. It killed my dreams, and even worse, my faith in fairness and goodness. I have meager rest and no peace.

Spinning wheels.
6:12 PM - Bottle Rocket Fire Alarm

1 Comments:

July 28, 2007 6:28 PM, Blogger staticwarp said...

when i read this journal i sometimes feel like i'm reading my own ramblings. i found you thru i serve idiots and i'm currently working my way thru your archives while i'm supposed to be doing actual work. i started on waiter rant and worked my way through a series of links to get here, and the journey has been well worth it. i like this journal better than waiter rant. hope you stick with it.

sz.sw

 

Post a Comment

left-arrow Home

stg-shark
Pine, Sex, Curry
Slippery Slopes Of Fondue Mountain
Limited Time Offer At Sally Gangbang's House Of Ha...
Tumbleweed
All Quiet On The Western Front
Hey Rube
All Press Is Good Press
You Dirty Rat
Support Your Local Gunfighter
Waving The Red Cape
August 2002
September 2002
October 2002
November 2002
December 2002
January 2003
February 2003
March 2003
April 2003
May 2003
September 2003
October 2003
November 2003
December 2003
January 2004
February 2004
August 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
February 2008
May 2008
August 2008
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
December 2009
February 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
August 2010
August 2011
September 2011
February 2012
June 2012
July 2012
August 2012
October 2012
November 2012
May 2013
August 2013
September 2013
December 2013
May 2014
October 2014
November 2014
December 2016