Situation Normal. Atmosphere Breathable. Brainstem Injected. Dialogue Engaged.
stg-roadrunner-gfx
Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Crack Funky


"Yo! Yo, dawg! Hold up!"

I slammed my car door and rolled down the window. I'd just left the liquor barn on Irving Park Road and I was gearing up for a big night. It was time to wage a war against depression. My car was about to explode, my finances were fucked, and I'd just bought a massive jug of $8 wine and a bottle of fizzy Mandarin Jarritos to wash down the ephedrine pills that were gathering dust in the armrest.

"What's up?"

"What's that shit you poppin?"

"Trucker speed."

"So that's the shit keep yo blood warm and you like 'yee-yee-yee!'" To accompany his sound effects, he pantomimed a hyperactive beaver gnawing on a log.

"You got it. It's a cheap alternative to real drugs. Perfect for an ugly Tuesday like today."

"Real drugs? Man, I'll git you some real mahfuckin drugs, dawg."

"Yeah?"

"Whatchoo do?"

"Coke, usually."

"You ever smoke them rocks?"

"Not often. I hadn't for... let's see here, three years until last Saturday. I got a bit carried away over the weekend, I guess."

"I got both, my nigga. You got a pen?"

"Yeah, just a sec."

"Naw, forget it, here." He pulled a tiny blue slip of paper from a compartment in his wallet and handed it to me. Scrawled upon it was DAVE 847-(Internet Edit).

"Cool man. You around here or what? I got a dealer by Woodfield and a few in Chicago."

"Right here, dawg, I stay at Marrs Court, right over there." He pointed.

"I'll hit you up."

"What's all that in the backseat- Punisher?"

He was referring to the piles of classified ads, comic books, literary journals, empty antifreeze jugs, wire spools, and a pillow of a rollerskate I made in 7th grade home ec. My car was a mess. Still is.

"Can I see that?"

I handed him a Punisher comic, one I got signed by the writer, Garth Ennis, at the Comic Book Legal Defense Fund table a few years back at the Chicago Wizard World show.

"Aw, this ain't the movie. Damn. Got any movies?"

All I had was a copy of Silver City. I gave it to him. "Here, check this out. It's no high powered action thriller like The Punisher, but it's an okay flick. It makes fun of President Bush, so I got a kick out of it. Enjoy."

"I can have this?"

"Yeah. I buy $5 movies on sale all the time. No big deal. Take it."

"Aw cool, thanks! Hit me up dawg!"

"You know I will."

I probably won't. I buy my cocaine from real Mexican drug lords. If I ever need some crack? Maybe.
9:19 PM - Bottle Rocket Fire Alarm

10 Comments:

November 23, 2005 12:26 PM, Blogger Kerouaced said...

Leave Dawg alone. You would be better off with a six pack of 16 oz Pabst Blue Ribbon. The crack of beer...

 
November 23, 2005 1:34 PM, Blogger Stace said...

YOU are to much!!

 
November 24, 2005 1:24 AM, Blogger SS said...

Happy Thanksgiving!

 
November 26, 2005 12:46 AM, Blogger clothosfate said...

"I buy my cocaine from real Mexican drug lords."

hahaha.... love it. Your car, whether its imaginary or real, sounds like mine, a little worse then mine i am happy to add... but not much.

My car is the last frontier...

 
November 26, 2005 12:58 PM, Blogger Floyd said...

I only respect men who have their own crack dealers. Happy that you've made the big time and can now truly earn my undying affection (and slight nausea - but that's to be expected).

 
November 26, 2005 3:37 PM, Blogger Bobby said...

the time may come where you'll need for him to remember your kindness . . . not to sound all fortune cookie on you and shit

 
November 30, 2005 6:55 AM, Blogger -G.D. said...

Good times, eh?

So, you've got the dealer...next the cheap 'ho?

 
November 30, 2005 8:18 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

where'd ya go, Steve? I miss your stories.

 
November 30, 2005 12:59 PM, Blogger Bottle Rocket Fire Alarm said...

I'll be back soon! I'm bronchially sick, busy with work, and ready to collapse.

But I'll have something soon, I promise.

 
November 30, 2005 8:42 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Stevie - skip the hippie crack, and all other crack for that matter and stick to the Cadbury Eggs, or Caramello's damnit. Remember the garage days. No hard stuff, just chocolate.
Anyway, I've really enjoyed "catching up with you" this week, even though we didn't actually talk. You're hilarious, and you conveyed Dad perfectly as he reached for a refill. Ha ha. Love you, feel better.

 

Post a Comment

left-arrow Home

stg-shark
Addiction Fiction Part Four
Fetus Juggling 101
Mugger Anna & The Liquid Pumpkin
Addiction Fiction Part Three
Addiction Fiction Part Two
Addiction Fiction Part One
Electronic Kleenex
Black And Silver Swoop Part Three
Black And Silver Swoop Part Two
Black And Silver Swoop Part One
August 2002
September 2002
October 2002
November 2002
December 2002
January 2003
February 2003
March 2003
April 2003
May 2003
September 2003
October 2003
November 2003
December 2003
January 2004
February 2004
August 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
February 2008
May 2008
August 2008
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
December 2009
February 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
August 2010
August 2011
September 2011
February 2012
June 2012
July 2012
August 2012
October 2012
November 2012
May 2013
August 2013
September 2013
December 2013
May 2014
October 2014
November 2014
December 2016