Situation Normal. Atmosphere Breathable. Brainstem Injected. Dialogue Engaged.
Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Better Than Parachutes

"Two hundred bucks? You gotta be shitting me!"

"Dude, we're gonna have to scam a lot of immigrants tonight to come up with enough. You said two hundred each?"

"Yeah, each ticket. They're front row, though. This might be our last chance to see a White Sox playoff game for a long time. They're gonna get more expensive if the Sox make it through to the next round."

"We don't have enough bumper medallions to come up with that many donations. If we're doing cash pieces at night, it's all gonna be residential, and they almost never go over $25 a pop. It's not even worth the gas money. Not to mention that we'd have to split our cut with a driver. We all got DUIs. No car, no cash, man."

"I got a better idea. I'm sneaking in."

"Bullshit Billy, how the fuck do you aim to pull that off?"

"I know a cop. He's gonna go to the gate with a fake warrant. Tell 'em he has to arrest the guy at the churro stand by the outfield jumbotron. He's gonna change in the bathroom then head down to the bullpen bar so nobody checks his ticket. I'm gonna go to that Fantasy Halloween shop over on Milwaukee over by Six Corners, rent a cop getup, and try the same stunt. Hopefully we pick different gates. Pretty good, right?"

"Fuck that, Billy. If I'm gonna risk goin down for impersonating a law officer, it's at least gotta be a good scam, like pulling over businessmen for bribes, swiping their credit cards, shit like that. Maybe even a white trash blowjob or two. A Sox game? Come on. Not worth the risk. That's weak. If I tried that and got busted I'd have a hard time looking in the mirror each morning."

"Fine. Pay your way, fellas. The Chicago American League ball club is honoring my noble courage and self-sacrifice tonight. Oh yes."

"You're a scumbag, Billy. But good luck, man."
5:05 PM - Bottle Rocket Fire Alarm


October 04, 2005 6:07 PM, Blogger cool Latt said...

the white sox are going to TOWN!

October 05, 2005 1:10 AM, Blogger karen gsteiger said...

I once spent a HORRIBLE evening at the Cell (or Cel, whatever) with an unruly bunch of...let's just call them public service employees...and I will never forgive the White Sox. One of the most dreadful nights of my fucking life. And my first wedding anniversary.

I suppose I should hate the participants involved, but the White Sox are clearly guilty by association. If they win, God knows I won't celebrate.

October 05, 2005 6:17 AM, Anonymous red said...

$200 bucks? That's funny, considering it literally costs less to hop a flight from Logan to Ohare, crash at a decent hotel, and enjoy killer seats at the "Cellu-Whatever", than it does to take the "T" to Yawkee Way and break your ass in the bleachers at Fenway. I can no longer afford to be a Red Sox fan.

October 05, 2005 12:33 PM, Blogger Lostinspace said...

i thought that churro stands were only in my neck of the woods, ha.

October 05, 2005 3:31 PM, Blogger Bobby said...

Or sneak in a day or two before and just bury yourself under about six inches of dirt - somewhere in the outfield. When the game starts, just pop up out of the ground like some kind of special forces fucker.

October 05, 2005 6:15 PM, Blogger ty bluesmith said...




October 06, 2005 10:03 AM, Blogger Kerouaced said...

Now that is a true fan!

October 06, 2005 3:22 PM, Blogger Dave Morris said...

Dem boys got fire in dem Sox. But that's pretty damn expensive.

October 07, 2005 12:52 PM, Blogger Trendon vs the World said...

Pinball is my ultimate gaming weakness besides a good RPG or NCAA Football.

As for the Sox, I am unfortunately rooting for the Red Sox, but that could change.

I am a Mets fan/Yankees-fan hater in metro NY. I root for the red Sox only because I know their success drives the Yankees fans nuts. That said, should the colored Sox lose to the Sox that lack color, I shall jump on that bandwagon.

Of course, this is assuming that the Angels and Darin Erstad (Go Big Red!) don't knock them out first. At that point, I won't give a rat's ding-a-ling about baseball anymore.

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