Situation Normal. Atmosphere Breathable. Brainstem Injected. Dialogue Engaged.
Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Hellbent and Furious

Yesterday I obtained permission to recycle several hundred pounds of scrap steel. It's clogging the company storage locker and I'd rather the locker was jammed with ancient registers that are all over the office like giant plastic immobile roaches.

There's lots of useless crap floating about here, including tens of custom made aluminum boxes stuffed with obscure circuitry. They were used for.... nevermind. I trashed them. It took quite a finagle. Certain employees thought some dumb rube would buy them on ebay. No. Just no. I suggested donating them to schools, but they'd have no use for them and the IRS would certainly balk at the dubious write-off. Notion cancelled. The next I proposed was snickered at.

I said we should tear them open and leave them out front, exposing the circuit boards to the sky. If we were quick in reflex and keen of eyesight, we could catch rare exotic endangered birds and sell them to zoos. They'd see the shiny, and hypnotized, circle ever lower to discover what gleaming jewel could be added to their magnificent nests. Problem is, we're in the midwest. The best we could hope for are those abominable Canadian geese and the occasional mallard. Into the dumpster they went.

Yeah, so I'm back on the early shift. Who gave radio shows permission to be funny at 5:30 am? Whoever is responsible is on my shit list. I'll gladly crush his windpipe and eat his children. Warning officially issued, fuckface.
6:31 AM - Bottle Rocket Fire Alarm


March 08, 2005 12:13 PM, Blogger Other Brother said...

Could they be converted into deer feeders? If so, send one my way.

March 08, 2005 3:49 PM, Blogger Belldoorlover said...

Is it bad that I found it funny that you were going to eat his children? I laughed till my coworkers told me to "Shut the hell up" (thats a direct quote)

March 08, 2005 3:49 PM, Blogger Belldoorlover said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

March 08, 2005 10:53 PM, Blogger Dave Morris said...

10 points for using the term finagle. I never even knew how to spell it.

By the way, children are gristley.

March 09, 2005 12:20 AM, Blogger daniel said...

They are fools for not going with the bird smuggling idea.

March 10, 2005 3:55 PM, Blogger sic said...

Simple... Locate your office packrat and let him/her know that these boxes are up for grabs. The boxes will mysteriously disappear from your office and resurface on my, oops... I mean his dining room table.


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