Situation Normal. Atmosphere Breathable. Brainstem Injected. Dialogue Engaged.
Wednesday, April 01, 2009

I Love My Office


4/1/09 4:03 PM CDT

"Take all your guns home, Nick. They're making Brian uncomfortable."

"What? Come on, Len. This is an April Fools joke, right?"


"But... but... I've had guns here on and off for a year. It's my hobby. Yours too! We go shooting all the time. You love my Springfield nine! We're supposed to go to GAT on Monday. Is that canceled, too?"

"No, of course not. We'll still hit the range. Relax. It's not me that's upset. It's Brian. The M1 Garand was one thing. It's an antique. The two 9mms were fine because we were visiting the range in the afternoon. But then you got that AR-15 last week. That's a pretty fucking scary assault rifle. You know that."

"I'm not gonna shoot anybody! And I took the damn thing home!"

"I know you're not. The very idea is ridiculous. But you know he's uncomfortable with all this militia stuff. You should've known better than to brag about the explosives yesterday. Seriously, Nick. You paraded around the office showing off canisters of ammonium nitrate and aluminum powder, blabbing about getting tracer rounds to set them off. It was the last straw for Brian. He doesn't wanna see any more of your toys around here."

"But they're legal until you mix them together!"

"Look, I know. But Brian is a delicate flower."

"This is bullshit. The only things I keep at the office are spare rounds. As decorations. It's not like I keep my armory here. The explosives are for the barn we're burning down next week. Perfectly legally, I might add. Everyone else loves my toys, except him. I'm just showing my stuff off. The majority of the staff here appreciate it. Then I take the weapon of the week straight home. I see no problem."

"Well, now Brian complained to my wife, and there's nothing I can do. I can't have him threatening legal shit. Keep it out of the office. Okay? When we're going to the range, bring the sweet ass nines, but keep them in the trunk."

"Okay, I guess."


"Hey Len! Can I attack Brian with water pistols tomorrow?"


"Admit it, it'll be funny."
6:38 PM - Bottle Rocket Fire Alarm


April 01, 2009 8:58 PM, Blogger ~otto~ said...

That would be funny as hell. Please do it.


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