Situation Normal. Atmosphere Breathable. Brainstem Injected. Dialogue Engaged.
Thursday, June 02, 2005

Familus Horribilus

A couple days ago a senile old bag named Mark Felt admitted he was Deep Throat, the famous informant behind the Watergate scandal. He's 91 years old now, so I guess he has nothing at stake anymore. He's free to spill the beans without fear of retaliation for squealing on Nixon. What does he care? Nowadays he craps into disposable underwear, eats through a feeding tube, and uses magnetic poetry to communicate.

He did a good thing for this country. It was important for Americans to realize that our politicians were cynical lying power hungry scumfucks. It was nice for us to know that our leaders did not have our best interests at heart. It was beautiful when collectively, as a society, we threw our hands in the air and said "I don't care. Fuck it. Could be worse, right?" This paved the way for decades of leadership hellbent on destruction and greed, the twin pillars of my beloved American culture.

This awareness set us on the course that led us where we stand today, a peaceful society, free of want, beloved by nations the world around.

Once upon a time I thought I would become a journalist. I'd start by writing puff pieces on obsessive Christmas decorators for the local newspaper. I'd use these saccharine tributes to gaudy excess to get my freelance foot in the door. At the time, I was too stoned to get off my couch and buy a tape recorder, and I never got around to starting the project. I was thinking back to this yesterday when somebody on the radio mentioned that Woodward and Bernstein are considered to be gods among journo circles.

Sounded familiar. Woodward and Bernstein. Oh yeah. Dad once told me that I'm related to or descended from one of the duo Rodgers and Hammerstein. I don't know which. Don't care, either. So who are they and how do Woodward, Bernstein, Rodgers, and Hammerstein all go together? Is it just the "Who and Jew" duo pattern that's causing these correlative echoes in my mind? Time to look stuff up.

Musicals? Shit. I don't know much of anything about them. I liked The Sound Of Music as a kid, because there were singing Nazis in it. I think. Children love Nazis. Don't give me any crap, you loved Nazis too when your were a sprite. They had funny uniforms, strange motorcycles, and helmets with spikes in the center to protect them from divebombing sparrows. There'd be no Indiana Jones movies without a band of evil krauts with bad intentions and goofy accents.

Here's the part of the entry where I compose alternate lyrics for "These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things" to be sung by Richard Nixon. Then I make a stupid joke about needing a deep throat to sing "Fa so la ti da!" Wow. I'm so lazy I'm describing jokes instead of actually writing them up. Time to quit.

I'm feeling lazy and mean so I'm cutting this retarded bullshit out before I say something really crass. Good night. I feel like I am one of these today:

5:36 PM - Bottle Rocket Fire Alarm


June 02, 2005 6:00 PM, Blogger Isabella said...

nice post. serious. there was little continuity, not really a story, a bit of jumping around, abrupt conclusion and i totally dug it -- read every word and at the end i felt relieved, not that it was over but that somebody else sometimes felt like just vomiting it on the page and telling people to fuck off and love me anyway. ah, i love you anyway.

June 03, 2005 6:26 AM, Blogger Bottle Rocket Fire Alarm said...

Thank you. You're a sweetheart.

June 03, 2005 1:28 PM, Blogger EcamirG said...

if it helps, i know everything there is to know about rodgers, hammerstein, hart, and kern.

lorenz hart was richard rodgers' collaborator before he worked with hammerstein. jerome kern was oscar hammerstein the second's collaborator before he worked with hart.

hart was a lonely gay midget who drank himself to death, at least partially because of the success of oklahoma!

June 05, 2005 3:15 PM, Blogger The Everglades said...

I prefer Simon & Simon.


June 06, 2005 2:34 PM, Anonymous sarcastrix said...

Blogging with beer?


Post a Comment

left-arrow Home

Robots Of Trichobezoar
Squirrels With Attitudes
Chorizo Abortion Spackle
My Worst Summer
Calcium Deposits
One Nun's Frustration
Euthanasia, Cremation, Scattering
Palsy Parade
Geographic Confluence
Mystery Shopper Demographic Analysis
August 2002
September 2002
October 2002
November 2002
December 2002
January 2003
February 2003
March 2003
April 2003
May 2003
September 2003
October 2003
November 2003
December 2003
January 2004
February 2004
August 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
February 2008
May 2008
August 2008
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
December 2009
February 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
August 2010
August 2011
September 2011
February 2012
June 2012
July 2012
August 2012
October 2012
November 2012
May 2013
August 2013
September 2013
December 2013
May 2014
October 2014
November 2014
December 2016