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Thursday, June 02, 2005

Familus Horribilus

A couple days ago a senile old bag named Mark Felt admitted he was Deep Throat, the famous informant behind the Watergate scandal. He's 91 years old now, so I guess he has nothing at stake anymore. He's free to spill the beans without fear of retaliation for squealing on Nixon. What does he care? Nowadays he craps into disposable underwear, eats through a feeding tube, and uses magnetic poetry to communicate.

He did a good thing for this country. It was important for Americans to realize that our politicians were cynical lying power hungry scumfucks. It was nice for us to know that our leaders did not have our best interests at heart. It was beautiful when collectively, as a society, we threw our hands in the air and said "I don't care. Fuck it. Could be worse, right?" This paved the way for decades of leadership hellbent on destruction and greed, the twin pillars of my beloved American culture.

This awareness set us on the course that led us where we stand today, a peaceful society, free of want, beloved by nations the world around.

Once upon a time I thought I would become a journalist. I'd start by writing puff pieces on obsessive Christmas decorators for the local newspaper. I'd use these saccharine tributes to gaudy excess to get my freelance foot in the door. At the time, I was too stoned to get off my couch and buy a tape recorder, and I never got around to starting the project. I was thinking back to this yesterday when somebody on the radio mentioned that Woodward and Bernstein are considered to be gods among journo circles.

Sounded familiar. Woodward and Bernstein. Oh yeah. Dad once told me that I'm related to or descended from one of the duo Rodgers and Hammerstein. I don't know which. Don't care, either. So who are they and how do Woodward, Bernstein, Rodgers, and Hammerstein all go together? Is it just the "Who and Jew" duo pattern that's causing these correlative echoes in my mind? Time to look stuff up.

Musicals? Shit. I don't know much of anything about them. I liked The Sound Of Music as a kid, because there were singing Nazis in it. I think. Children love Nazis. Don't give me any crap, you loved Nazis too when your were a sprite. They had funny uniforms, strange motorcycles, and helmets with spikes in the center to protect them from divebombing sparrows. There'd be no Indiana Jones movies without a band of evil krauts with bad intentions and goofy accents.

Here's the part of the entry where I compose alternate lyrics for "These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things" to be sung by Richard Nixon. Then I make a stupid joke about needing a deep throat to sing "Fa so la ti da!" Wow. I'm so lazy I'm describing jokes instead of actually writing them up. Time to quit.

I'm feeling lazy and mean so I'm cutting this retarded bullshit out before I say something really crass. Good night. I feel like I am one of these today:

Oklahoma!
5:36 PM - Bottle Rocket Fire Alarm

5 Comments:

June 02, 2005 6:00 PM, Blogger Isabella said...

nice post. serious. there was little continuity, not really a story, a bit of jumping around, abrupt conclusion and i totally dug it -- read every word and at the end i felt relieved, not that it was over but that somebody else sometimes felt like just vomiting it on the page and telling people to fuck off and love me anyway. ah, i love you anyway.

 
June 03, 2005 6:26 AM, Blogger Bottle Rocket Fire Alarm said...

Thank you. You're a sweetheart.

 
June 03, 2005 1:28 PM, Blogger EcamirG said...

if it helps, i know everything there is to know about rodgers, hammerstein, hart, and kern.

lorenz hart was richard rodgers' collaborator before he worked with hammerstein. jerome kern was oscar hammerstein the second's collaborator before he worked with hart.

hart was a lonely gay midget who drank himself to death, at least partially because of the success of oklahoma!

 
June 05, 2005 3:15 PM, Blogger The Everglades said...

I prefer Simon & Simon.

Blake

 
June 06, 2005 2:34 PM, Anonymous sarcastrix said...

Blogging with beer?

 

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